Tuesday 12/16/03
A CHRISTMAS TALE
Ahh, it's Christmas
Time once again. All the kiddies' stockings are hung decorously
along the fireplace mantle. Inside the fire-engine red faux-flannel,
along with the hunks of coal, are small white tags that read: Made
in Thailand. And outside the Family Home, the snow falls delicately
upon the Astro-Turf. And the entire neighborhood twinles under the
multi-colred luminance of Christmas lights and tinsel. Go ahead,
take a deep breath, fill your lungs with the Spirit of The Season.
Life is Good, and "Murica is a Great Nation once again! Our
Fearless Leader was right all along! And the rest of the world,
excluding Great Britain, Poland, and a coupla dozen Itralians, Can
Kiss My Proud American Ass! Can I get an Amen?
And why am I sounding
so positively cheery on this dreary, drizzly day in Southern California?
Why you ask? Well undoubtedly you've already heard the news by now
that the Evil Dictator, Saddam Hussein, was "captured"
by "Coalition Forces" in his home town of Tikrit. It was
widely reported that Saddam was pulled from a "rat hole"
located along the Tigris, and that he was "dirty and disoriented."
And just by coincidence, this entire episode was captured on videotape
for all the world to see. I mean shit! I'm a big enough man to admit
when I've been mistaken. And I've been mistaken a lot lately. Obviously
Mr. Bush was right all along, and that Evil cocksucker, Saddam
conspired with 9/11 Terrorist, Mohammed Atta. That's
right! The Iraqi Governing Council has the "Smoking Gun"
Document which details the meetings.
So I was wrong
about the War in Iraq being justified, and I admit it. And this
admission has led me to question all of my Beliefs. And so I've
decided to renounce my Wiccan Faith, and declare under penalty of
perjury, that I am now and forever a Messenger of The Lord. I will
be taking up the issues of the Evangelical Christian Movement, and
their Poster-Boy, Eric Rudolph. (Choose Life, because Every Sperm
is Sacred). I will spend the next thirty days fasting and Praying
to the Good Lord seeking His Divine Forgiveness for my many Sins.
Because General Boykin and Mr. Ashcroft have been right all along!
The 'Murican Christian God is MUCH BIGGER than that FALSE IDOL,
Allah. And I must thank Him for having seen to it that Mr. Bush
was Selected to be President, even though he lost the election by
more than half a million votes. After all, I am convinced at this
time that Mr. Bush is His Personal Representative on Earth. And
I must thank Him for showing Mr. Bush the Way to protect us, the
Christian American People, by unleashing an arsenal of Depleted
Uranium, to rain down upon Our Enemies. May the Good Lord Keep and
Protect Our Fearless Leader. God Bless 'Murica! And God Bless the
Bush Family, each and every one....... even Neil.
So I guess Christmas
came early for Mr. Bush.
..............And
then I awoke from this weird Nightmare/daydream and began to ponder
other scenarios regarding Saddam's capture. I am a writer after
all. And I have seen a lot of things in my life, and been told secrets
which have left me with a peculiar way of viewing the World. So
let me suggest this alternative fiction as to Saddam's "capture":
I've made predictions
on this Website ever since its inception. One of these predictions
was that Saddam would be captured within six months of the 2004
election. So I guess I was off a bit, after all.
But after seeing
the pictures of Saddam looking a lot like Lenny Kravitz Goes To
Hell, and reading the stories of the capture, I was left wondering.
So let me cut to the chase rght here and now, and tell you right
out what I think happened:
I believe Saddam
was captured some time ago, probably back in August or September.
The Snake-eaters have kept him under wraps, interrogating him with
the aid of cocktails of hallucinogenic substances. I think while
they were working on him, they were simultaneously "planting"
the Weapons of Mass Destruction around the country..... I
don't believe the Bushistas INTENDED to parade Saddam before the
cameras until a lot closer to the September Convention in NYC, but
the Polls forced their hand......... I think the entire videotaped
production was just that; a production, scripted, lit and rehearsed
repeatedly. Reminded me of the Jessica Lynch "rescue",
which we all now know was a total fabrication. This Admin really
knows how to sell it to Middle-America...... the Middle America
that watches Joe Millionaire and Survivor, and other dreck reality
shows like COPS, that appeal to the basest of emotions. And of course
Saddam is reported to be "talkative". You gotta know the
"discovery" of the "secret WMD caches" will
be upcoming episodes hosted by Geraldo and his ilk. And the 'Murican
public will eat it up and lick the bowl clean.
I'm sorry, but
I just don't buy any of it. This misAdministration has proven over
and over that it is wholly incapable of speaking the TRUTH. Truth
is not a word in their vocabulary. They will do anything to remain
in power, and I do mean ANYTHING. I put nothing past this collection
of miscreants.
FBI AUTHORIZED
TO LOOK UP YOUR ASS
(WARRANT NO LONGER REQUIRED!
KISS THE 4TH AMENDMENT GOODBYE!)
SADDAM'S
DAUGHTER
AGREES WITH BRUIN
(DADDY WAS DRUGGED)
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